Requiem for a Dream

I first heard this beautiful but haunting song when I was 17. It's the kind of music that conjures distant memories, hopes, dreams, and also regret.

FYI, the music was taken from the film of the same title which depicts the lives of four different people living in Brooklyn on their quest for satisfaction in life. It shows the direct and indirect effects that drugs and various addictions have on each of the individuals, and then portrays their downward spirals from the hopes of blossoming dreams into the helpless state of moral and physical decay.

Here's Requiem for a Dream on piano. Enjoy.

A prayer for you...

I pray again not just for your well-being and safety, but...

• For you to have a re-connection with your family, and your parents: the very people who gave life to you and spent their prime years working so that they can put you and your siblings through school for a better future

• For you to rediscover your passion and zest for life so that you will jump out of bed everyday excited to accomplish everything for the day

• For you to stay strong in your faith, knowing that if you can't see God ahead in your times of need, that's because He's always behind you to support you when you fall

• For you to have a new tomorrow that is defined not just by actions and results, but by love, relationships and the simple joy of living in the present

• For you to be true to yourself: Not by holding back because of the perpetual voice in your head that never stops telling you what to do in life, but to do what you really want to do because your heart aches for it

• For you to have the time to stop and smell the roses, lie on the grass and admire the stars, and to watch in awe the amazing sun-rise and sun-set that marks the daily passage of time for all life forms

• For you to simply be you because you are unique as created by God, not by Man or society, nor the very words that we use to put ourselves down everytime we say "I'm not good enough"

• For you to say this prayer for someone else and to pass it along. You never know how much it will mean for someone else. As much as it has helped me make someone's day, I hope it will help you make someone else' day

Amen.

I wanna participate in a flash mob too!

Flash Mobs: Seemingly unplanned gatherings of large groups of people that converge in public (or semipublic) places for brief periods of time. They will disperse as quickly and suddenly as they converge.

Or if you prefer some element of order amidst the chaos of randomness, check out this video of 200 dancers who created this amazing stunt with just 2 rehearsals!



Dear graduating class of 2010, here's our chance! Let's do something crazy, do it big and do it good!

Graduate with a BANG!

Zee Avi - Bitter Heart

Sun rays come down
As seen when they hit the ground
Children spinning around
Till they fall down down down.

I wait for you
It's been two hours now
You're still somewhere in town
Your dinners getting cold.

I rest my case
You are always this late
And you know how much I hate
Waiting around 'round 'round.

Bitter heart, bitter heart
Tries to keep it all inside
Bitter heart, bitter heart
Shadows will help you try to hide
Bitter heart, my bitter heart
Is gettin' just a little fragile
Bitter heart, bitter heart of mine.

And then you come
And tell me the same reason
As you did yesterday
So tell me whats her name.

Doo doo da dum, doo doo da dum
Doo doo doo doo doo doo da da dum dum
Da da da da dum, da da da da dum, da da da da dum.

Bitter heart, bitter heart
Tries to keep it all inside
Bitter heart, bitter heart
Shadows will help you try to hide
Bitter heart, my bitter heart
Is just getting a little fragile
Bitter heart, bitter heart of mine
Of mine, of mine, of mine, of mine, of mine.

A little prayer...

"Father, in my life I see
You are God who walks with me
You hold my life in your hands
Close beside you I will stand
I give all my life to you
Help me Father to be true"

You have given me every reason to wake up everyday feeling excited about the things I can and will do. On days that I fail to do so, please rouse me from my stupor and save me from all the waves of cynicism and lethargy that befall me.

In my weaknesses as a human, only You are made perfect.

Proud of my ENP team!

We had an awesome ENP gathering tonight to debrief, gather feedback for the next Project ENP team, reminisce of the old times, and relive the fun and laughter we once had in Chiang Mai.

Tonight, I saw how powerfully bonds can be forged and last the test of time. One of our teammates, Hui Xin, took the trouble to make a team video. It was hilarious and nicely-done, definitely something that I would want to show to others to say how proud I am of the team.

Another member, Tessa, went beyond the call of duty to create mock certificates for each and every team member describing the "awards" each received during service in the team (mine read: Best leader, Best first impression but real worst impression, Best spectacle, Awesomest Ambassador of SMU, Best corn cutter, Most hardworking tubing planner, Most deluded, Most fashionably dressed in ENP, Best (and worst) matchmaker, Dr Love). Hahas!

We went through so much together and I dare say that even after a hiatus of 4 months, our vision and passion as a team never wavered. I was even more touched when people asked to volunteer for the post-expedition project (we are organising an exhibition) despite their busy schedules. Even more asked to help out for the next ENP team as interviewers and helpers.

I'm very glad that I helped to create and facilitate this eco-system of team members supporting one another even in times of adversity, commiting to the vision, and having steadfast dedication to each other. I saw pride in each person's face of what we have accomplished and who we are as a team. And I must really thank the team for sustaining this culture and moving ahead to create new possibilities for themselves.

Now, we just have to keep our word as a team. But judging how we have worked in the past, I have every confidence that we will do just that - and even beyond our expectations.

Will you please stop to smell the roses?

How far away have you gone
To pursue a life you have always dreamt of
And while you disappear into the twilights of a new world
How much do you remember of me
And all the good times we shared
When we stopped to smell the roses

Do they mean anything to you
For they really meant the world to me
And all it represents in my life
With my dreams and hopes for the future
You never left my mind ever since you entered
For we stopped to smell the roses

And as I think of what you might be doing now
Life's never too short to say how much I care for you
I will never know what is going on in your mind
And certainly how you are faring
But please spare for a moment in time
To once again stop and smell the roses

And when you do, I know that you are you

A lesson in commitment

I got another breakthrough this week. Another defining moment that has quickly shaped my first week of school.

In our haste to go to visit Global Village, Kirsty and I decided on Wednesday to buy our bus tickets to KL that will leave on Friday night and return on Sunday. We were intending to skip half of the Corps Retreat over the weekend, and only attend the Sunday half of the Retreat. So happily, I bought the tickets that afternoon. Little did we know that my encounter and subsequent conversation with Shawn and Jasper would change our weekend plans drastically, and offer a lesson in commitment.

I have never seen both of them so troubled and engrossed in Ambassadorial planning work so intently before. So I offered to sit down with them and contribute to the thinking process. And surprise, surprise, did they mention about the idea of introducing (and implementing) corporate values for the Corps, including KPIs that will operationalize and measure how each Corp member display these values in their work.

You know, I so wanted to raise this idea at the upcoming Corps meeting as I strongly believed that as much as we had a solid external branding, we lacked the internal identity that was necessary to gel the Corps together, and get members to genuinely see themselves as an integral part of a well-oiled machine striving for a common vision. In short, our skills as Ambassadors provided the organisation with the "hardware", but our values and corporate belief should provide the "heartware" as well. Putting the discussion of our values as a priority for the Retreat was a God-sent surprise to me.

That is the answer to issues of morale and member commitment within the Corps. This is the smoking gun, that if properly implemented, will be the model for other student organisations to follow. This will be an experiment in organisational culture-creation, and a crucial one that was far too delayed and important to ignore.

And what touched me even more was that Shawn and Jasper offered to reinburse us out of their own pockets for our tickets to KL just so that we change our minds and stay for the Retreat. Their commitment was for all members to be present, so that everyone will be on the same page on such developments.

Well, I was speechless and really wanted to go to Global Village but I realised that as a relatively seasoned project manager and trainer on organisational culture, I could not walk away from what I preach. I have made a commitment to be part of the Corps, and I cannot walk away when my President and Vice-President have offered to go all out to make me attend the Retreat. They needed people to fight for what is right, and make a stand to introduce some bitter but much-needed medicine for the Corps to function at our 110% . We ended up debating the idea and discussing until 2 am in school. But did they win me over.

So I did the right (and some say, foolish) thing to do: I decided to skip KL, called up Kirsty to convince her to go for the Retreat, and found replacements for both of us. We decided to stay, and carry out our commitment as pledged members of the Corps.

Best thing of all? We chose to stay, not out of obligation or peer pressure, but because we chose to stay to make a difference and stay commited to a pledge we made more than a year ago, and carry out for every second we hold our appointments as members of the Corps.

Now, if only we can bring this lesson forward, make a strong case at the Retreat and Corps meeting, and deliver a powerful wake-up call to the rest of the Corps.

Do not deny yourself....

I re-watched an old movie recently, and one particular scene caught my attention and got me thinking. Here's the conversation between 2 characters in the movie:

---------------
Girl A: So, he took me to this fancy french restaurant and halfway through the meal he touches my hand...

Girl B: And that's when he told you how he felt?

Girl A: No, he never said it. He probably thought he didn't need to say it.

Girl B: Then how does she know that it is real?

Girl A: He said it was not about the words!

Girl B: Oh, please! If you feel it, you say it! It's really very simple.

Girl A: He said we'll talk about it later...only...there was no "later". It never happened. That's how it ended...

Girl B: He just let you walk away? He didn't try to save it?

Girl A: I honestly believed that things might actually work out, which was really very...foolish...

Girl B: Then all that they'll give to get the world but they let the one thing that truly matters slip through their fingers!
---------------

Do you always find yourself sitting around waiting for something to happen? Or do you keep telling yourself that you can put off doing the important things in life to "later"?

For so many years, I have simply let some people in my life walk away, without getting the courage to make a stand and express my feelings for them. I have paid the price by suffering in silence with regret and hardening myself by supressing certain feelings.

No more.

Do not deny your feelings if you like or love someone. Neither do you lie to yourself should you choose the cowardly way of running away and denying yourself, just so you can look good in front of that person, or before others.

12 memorable things about Tokyo

It was only a short 4-day trip to Tokyo but what made the trip memorable was...

1. Admiring the beauty and fashion of its people. The girls seem to have big eyes and flawless complexions and the guys have slim bodies, sharp features, and finely sculpted hairdos (read: Takeshi Kaneshiro). Yes, even I'm awed by the guys and their good looks. Throw in the most creative, random and diverse fashion sense one can have and there you go: the va-va-vroom, in-your-face, fashionista culture of Japan!

2. Experiencing 1 minor earthquake tremor over dinner at a restaurant when the table started shaking and the light bulbs on the chandalier started grinding against each other. We woke up at 2 am the next night to the violent shaking of the hotel building when the bed vibrated on its frame and the walls seemed to want to cave in. It was over after 10 seconds but it was damn scary!

3. Walking down the narrow avenues of Harajuku (i.e. fashion street for youths) and gawking at all the teens dressed in Cosplay outfits and kimonos that make all those Japanese anime and cartoon series that I used to watch as a kid come to life before my eyes!

4. Buying 3 pieces of siew mai at the food basement of Isetan and dropping my jaw when the counter staff packed the food into a plastic packet, packed the packet in a plastic bag, and packed the plastic bag into a bigger plastic bag before sealing it. What a waste of material!

5. Having the best Yakudori (BBQ meats) meal at a restaurant in Shibuya (i.e. fashion street for the well-heeled) where the aromatic meat flavours go in sync with warm sake and home-cooked miso soup with soft Japanese rice coated with egg sauce. Yummy!

6. Tucking into the most authentic sushi meal at a 40-year-old sushi bar at the famour Tsujiki Market (the biggest fish market in the world). For a standard sushi set costing 4500 Yen (about S$65), you get an assortment of 10 different sushi types including the freshest prawn sushi I have ever tasted, and the most generous serving of unagi (sea-urchin) sushi where the unagi literally melts in your mouth. Of course, top the meal off with a bowl of home-brewed clam miso soup!

7. Laughing silently to myself when the service staff bowed to me to thank me for buying something from the store, and I bowed back to her. She responded by bowing to me again, and I bowed back. So she bowed back to me again. Haha!

8. Walking through the streets of Shinjuku, Harajuku, Shibuya, Ginza (City centre) and Akihabara (IT City) until my feet ached, and admiring the bold contours of the buildings, the creative designs of the fashion boutiques (big and small ones), the flashing neon lights of the city, and the amazing range of fashion apparel of all types and designs for sale!

9. Navigating the infamous subway system where the trains operate on as many as 12 lines which are interconnected through many interchanges. I remembered having to walk 300 m from one line to get to another line at one interchange, only to realise it is the wrong line. Then it's another 200 m to the right line. Phew!

10. Seeing the most expensive fruits on display in the supermarket. One watermelon was on sale at 4000 Yen (about S$55) and a bunch of Japanese grapes selling at 3000 Yen (about S$40). Now, that's either some pretty good-quality stuff or it's just day-light-robbing inflation going through the roof!

11. Shopping like I've never shopped before in a very long while, courtesy of generous liquidity from my Dad and sister. I like their motto: Since you pay so much to come to such places, you very well spend more because it will be a long while when you next come back again. Along the way, I became an avowed fan of Japanese apparel chain, Uniqlo, where I probably blew half of my budget shopping in!

12. Going for a holiday with my Dad, Sis and my soon-to-be Brother-in-law. Even though not all of the family could make it, it was a warm experience knowing that this is my first family trip in almost 6years, and the start of many more trips to come. Korea next year, and Australia the year after!

Wha-t i-s thi-s?

Saw this as a paper abstract for one of the upcoming Economics & Statistics Seminars:

"We derive some new results on the expectation of quadratic forms in normal and nonnormal variables. Using a nonstochastic operator, we show that the expectation of the product of an arbitrary number of quadratic forms in noncentral normal variables follows a recurrence formula. This formula includes the existing result for central normal variables as a special case. For nonnormal variables, while the existing results are available only for quadratic forms of limited order (up to 3), we derive analytical results to a higher order 4. We use the nonnormal results to study the effects of nonnormality on the finite sample mean squared error of the OLS estimator in an AR(1) model and the QMLE in an MA(1) model."

Wha-t i-s thi-s? They might as well be speaking in Klingon.

Now, this is WHY I really fear venturing into quantitative Economics!

Because it's only human to cry...

When I think of a moment in time
It's when liking someone can be such a crime
To have to once again have your heart broken
It conjures a misery of words not to be spoken

I tell myself there really is no need to sigh
Because it's only human to cry
And when the going gets long, hard and tough
You look at life and give your biggest laugh

Sending her off today made me feel queasy
But no one said choices made have to be easy
So although at times it really leaves me hurt
It takes a man to live by his word

So fret not for I have seen the light
I realise that I'm now dug in for a fight
And like the piling up of falling summer snow
My feelings for her will only grow